Alls Well That Ends Well

Its been a while since I last posted on my blog, and frankly I cannot express in mere words how glad I am to be writing this post, after such a long hiatus.
For all who were aware, and for those who weren't, the reason for my self imposed exile from my blog, was due to the fact that I was studying for a really important medical examination, back home in India. An exam that grants recognition to foreign degrees, and makes us eligible to practice here in India. A license exam if you may call it so.
Now frankly, the exam is quite gruelling by itself, and by no means child's play. It was nevertheless imperative I give the exam, otherwise, without the recognition, a foreign graduate is pretty much stuck in limbo without any official recognition whatsoever.
Ever since I returned to India, there has been no other thought more paramount in my mind than to clear the examination as soon as possible. Especially after hearing horror stories, of those who kept trying and trying for years without success, and finally losing nearly three to four years, or perhaps even more of their precious time, and eventually jeopardizing their medical career.
On another front, most of my friends opted to join what are known as "coaching classes", to clear the exam. Its a common practice here in India, whereas au contraire I chose not to.
My friends were flabbergasted, and were quite curt in telling me that without those "miraculous" classes I stood little chance of passing. I have always found it so, that in life a lot of people are more prompt in telling you what you cannot do, rather than what you can do.
Nevertheless, undeterred, and not falling prey to the hype the classes generate, I chose to remain home and study for the exam by myself.
Besides, I have always been the sort of person that seldom pays attention in class anyway. I was always busy doodling while the professor went on an on rendering his rather insipid lecture.
Needless, to say I sacrificed a great deal while studying. I missed writing, painting, and frankly it has been over a year since I ventured into a movie theatre.
And all through, I had this morbid dread so as to whether or not my efforts would bear fruit, and whether or not my friends prediction of a certain doom, that awaited those who chose not to attend classes would come true.
For if I did not clear this time, I could see myself spiralling into gloom, and possibly towards a realm of self pity and bitter remorse. From which I doubt I would have ever been able to recover the strength to fight the battle yet again.
But by the grace of good fortune, and Divine intervention, I managed to clear the exam with flying colours, being amongst the 20% of the students who passed altogether.
It was while travelling back to the airport that I realised in disbelief, while checking the results of the exam online on my cell phone, that I had cleared the exam, and was now free.
Emotions of relief, gratification and happiness beyond words came flooding back, and while through all this I realised I was rather hungry, and ordered myself a scrumptious breakfast in the airport lobby, awaiting my flight back home.
And while munching on my baked beans on toast came the flood of congratulatory phone calls from my near and dear ones. All glad that we had passed one of the most dreaded exams ever.
What awaits me now is a three month break, during which I intend to selfishly indulge myself in all that I missed during the long hours pouring over medical literature. After which shall begin my internship in a hospital nearby.
The moral of the story is, that it takes great perseverance in trudging along a path most humans would rather avoid. And when someone usually dissuades you from perusing the path you choose, its not that they are concerned about you, but the fact that they wish to trust upon their own personal insecurity upon you.
Besides, the exam has had a more profound personal victory rather than just an academic one.
The personal victory being the fact that if I could pull this through, there's precious little that can stand in my way in the future.
The same lesson goes for everyone else as well.
Never let fellow humans tell you what you can or cannot do. Insecure beings can never support one another. Their refuge lies in mutual despair.
The day you begin to have faith in yourself and the path you have chosen, would be the day you will most certainly be declared a victor.
For only after trudging relentlessly through the road less travelled, one can truly say,
Alls well that ends well.

The Bloggers Void

One of the things most bloggers face in the due course of their blogging history is the bloggers void. Aptly put by Shadowthrone.
The thing is, no matter how much ever dedicated we are to blogging, after some time or the other, you lose the ability to stay focussed on your blog. It could be due to a number of reasons. Like for instance, the lack of inspiration, the lack of sheer will, an unforeseen circumstance etcetera.
Even I for instance find it really difficult to maintain my blog since I graduated.
The thing is, things were a lot different from the world I once belonged to, and the world I'm currently in.
While those who believe in sheer will, would argue, nothing should "ideally" come between a man and his passion. But as I have often stated, circumstances are seldom "ideal".
While I do not write this as a means to justify or complain about the reason for my absence from the bloggosphere, I nevertheless, feel it necessary to elaborate on my persistent absence.
The thing is, things were a lot different back in Petersburg. I wouldn't say I had all the time in the world, but nevertheless, I could always do whatever I want, whenever I want.
I would write, whenever impulse would strike me, be it 12 noon or 3 in the morning.
The thing about impulse, is that its like a spark that comes and goes. You cannot schedule or postpone an impulse for later.
The thought you have today, may not remain the same tomorrow.
And that's the main difference.
Right now, while studying for a major examination, my life is far more scheduled than it was before. I'm not complaining though, because, I have been reunited with family after a span of six long years.
But the thing is, there is always going to be a difference between a single students life and the life of a family guy. Things cannot always be carefree, and I most certainly cannot blog on impulse here.
Now I could say, that I would schedule time to blog every Sunday from 8 to 9 pm.
But it can never work out that way.
At least not for me. Like I said, I cannot schedule thoughts. For instance, say I'm reading the newspaper and I come across an interesting article, and I say to myself "I really ought to voice my opinion on this article", but then I cannot because I have to hit the gym, after which I have to start studying, following which by the end of the day, when I am actually free, so to speak, I no longer am able recapitulate the idea I had back in the morning. Even now as I write this, I'm actually supposed to be solving questions in Pharmacology. Not exactly writing this on my "free time" here.

There hasn't been one day that went by where I haven't thought, "damn!! I really miss writing."
But then again, there's precious little I can do about it.
All I can say right now, is that I will try to keep things afloat to the best of my ability.
But I cannot promise anything more.
Besides, a lot of people from my own blogging network seemed to have permanently dropped off the bloggosphere, without any explanation.
I really envy persistent bloggers, people who have continued to blog come what may, like brocasarea, Shadowthrone, Thousif, and Lazy Pineapple to name a few.
Most bloggers end up in the void sooner or later, while others manage to stick through with persistence.
But every individual has his/her own means of working.
Like I said, there are like a ton of things I would love to do, right from blogging, adopting a dog, to learning how to make a pizza.
But then again, given the circumstance, such things must wait...
No idea how much longer is it going to take......
but until then,
be patient and bear with my inconsistencies, s'il vous plait...
till I manage to figure things out.....

The Pursuit Of Happiness

Often in some point of our lives we find ourselves in the doldrums. Some part of the day, when all we want to do is crawl up into a small hole and lie there for for days to come. When in spite of the sunny day outside there lies within us, a dark tempest of gloom.
Sometimes the reason we remain shrivelled up inside is perhaps because of some sort of unfortunate circumstance, that has has suddenly come upon us. But nevertheless, circumstances not withstanding, the major reason of our doldrums are we ourselves.
We all know of the examples of the eternal optimist or the eternal pessimist. Or psychologically speaking, the notion of whether the glass is half full or half empty.
As much as we like to read and try to understand the reason for all that has transpired around us, we seem to be getting no where most of the time. By the end of the day we are back to square one.
Frankly I am no exception as far as dealing with difficult circumstances are concerned.
After some setback or the other, my first impulse is to crawl into some hole and stay there for eternity, shunning everyone and everything that comes in my way.
Irrespective of the amount of advice doled out by those around you, there are some things in life you can only understand form your own personal experience.
I in my own way managed to acquire an epiphany in this regard, when I recapitulated some of my past events.
Back in medical school, we would have weekly tests. And once during one of these test sessions I acquired a rather poor grade. Almost immediately I subjected myself to self criticism, guilt, and mental torture for not acquiring better grades. But next to me, a friend of mine who got rather poor grades himself, was laughing away gaily, chatting with his buddies, unmindful of the fact that he too performed rather poorly in the test.
This nevertheless, left me a bit flabbergasted wondering how in God's name could someone be so unmindful of what just happened.
Back then I didn't have the maturity to fully grasp how could someone take disappointment so lightly.
But now as I recollect, I realise that he didn't really feel disappointed in the first place. And as a consequence he was happy.
He was happy when he flunked, and he would obviously have been happy had he passed.
The "condition" of passing and failing thus remained immaterial to his state of mind.
The key words here are "condition" and "state of mind".
Thus any pure state of mind is usually unconditional.
Be it happiness or sorrow.
Circumstances and events however usually end up as a catalyst in enhancing our state of mind.
If your state of mind was happy from the beginning a good event would make you joyous, while a bad event would make you unmindful and nonchalant to what just transpired, thus the core state of mind being the same in the first place.
However if your state of mind was sad to begin with, a good circumstance will temporarily lighten up your day, while a bad circumstance will further push you to the brink of eternal despair.
All in all circumstance has precious little to do with our state of mind.
People always have pre set conditions to determine how they are going to feel with regard to favourable or unfavourable events. Like, "If I win the game I will be happy, or "if I lose my job I will be sad".
We end up miserable when we set too many conditions upon ourselves when we set out to pursue happiness. Only to end up disappointed when happiness remains ever elusive.
From what I have understood so far from all that around me, is that happiness isn't something that has to be pursued, but a pure self limiting entity that ought be realised as a part of us. Unconditional and uncompromising even in the most difficult of circumstance.
We have often heard examples of rich celebrities who are miserable despite every comfort money can buy. And we have also seen poor workmen who labour day in and day out, with a smile on their lips whistling a happy tune while they toil away in the scorching summer.
I suppose the day we stop imposing conditions upon us, we will truly be happy.
Until then it is pointless to remain in a relentless pursuit of something that will continue to evade us through and through.
There is no point in pursuing something that remains within us waiting to be discovered.
For happiness like all pure emotions is nothing but a state of mind, inert and unconditional.
Pre set conditions do not necessarily determine how we will feel, as long as our state of mind remains happy irrespective of the circumstances that surround us.
The pursuit of happiness is nothing but a myth, to dissuade us from feeling better about ourselves irrespective of the way things turn out.
Some myths in life are thus indeed worth shattering.

Of Snoots And Snobs

I suppose a great deal of people have fond memories of their senior school days. What we call 11th and 12th grade. Well as for me, the experience was far from memorable. My class consisted mainly of some of the most snooty people one could have ever come across. You know, the sort who behave as though they have gold mines shoved under their affluent noses.
Now given the fact that I do not belong to the dull and dreary sort of humanity myself, nevertheless, being amidst those who believed that the very ground beneath them is a tribute to their greatness (or their dad's) made me grow immensely weary of their very existence. Not that I could do much about it though. For then, I believe I was a part of the wrong flock in the first place.
When I left India to pursue medicine, I met some of the most refreshingly down to earth people, on the planet. And not just from my own country, but also from other nations as well.
Their very existence was like a breath of fresh air. Somewhere down the line I had actually given up on the hope that I shall ever meet 'normal' people.
But there I was, hobnobbing with some of the most earthy individuals ever.
Well, we did run into some snobs as well, but they were the sort who realized that they were amongst the wrong people for a change. Needless to say, over the years they did manage to tone down their act. It was either that or face the prospect of being friendless in a foreign country.
Not that I am a saint myself per se. I do at times like to flaunt what ever assets I manage to acquire, that money can buy. But nevertheless, I do know where to draw the line.
Everyone likes to show off a bit, but not to the point where it gets awfully ghastly and annoying to boot.
I just simply do not understand what their deal is.
Frankly, one would usually find conversations with a snob/snoot unidirectional, and rather tiresome, with not an iota of sense intertwined in between their barrage of self praiseworthy drivel.
For instance, " You know, I am the head of my very own company, I work out with the actor(read nondescript) who acted in the film(which flopped miserably) blah blah. In my spare time I model for a famous brand of toothpaste and spend my evenings in one of the most swanky (read unheard of) clubs in the city."
The thing is, I really wonder the sort of audience our snooty compatriots manage to acquire in order to vent out their barrage of hot air. Frankly, any snob bombarding me with their self centred nonsense will soon realise that they are barking up the wrong tree.
You know, whenever one picks up one of the gossip magazines, one cant help coming across the glaring photographs of "socialites" wearing outfits that can only be described as a cross between a child's Halloween costume and a Las Vegas drag queen, at a "charity" event. Probably to raise money for the mentally unsound.
Sooner or later all snobs metamorphosize into socialites. I really wonder what sort of lives such people live in their spare time, when they are not busy hogging the limelight at a so and so social event.
Man is a social animal no doubt, and one needs society to exist. Nevertheless, I really wonder when did society turn to encompass some of the most unheard of has beens, and yesteryear washouts all simultaneously blowing their own trumpets.
Call me an idealist, but there did exist a time when the crème de la crème of society consisted of intellectuals, philosophers, men of art (by art I mean musicians, authors and painters, not someone who recently stripped their clothes off in a third rate movie), and self made men of commerce.
I suppose birds of a feather do flock together. But of late its a rather foul flock.
I can never come to terms with some god awful snob giving me airs. And frankly it gives me great pleasure give them a taste of their own medicine.
Irrespective of what one might say, I'd rather spend my time with my own earthly flock than to bother with some tiresome snoot.
But by the end of the day, its those who are down to earth who manage to win over more people. Not the ones who think their boots are too big for the ground beneath them.
Its too bad that they do not realize that.
But everyone has their place in the world.
If it weren't for them we certainly wont be having a lark over reading about their latest misadventures.
Well, to each of his own I always say!

Respite......

Its been nearly two months since I last posted anything on my blog. After spending nearly all my time and energy buried beneath a ton of books, lets just say the effort did not go all to waste. A great deal of thanks to all my blogging buddies who wished me well during my exams.
Nevertheless, since a medical student's (read foreign graduate) work is never done, I have yet another exam coming up after six months or so....
But in the mean time, I have decided that I needed a much desired respite.
While I spent huddled upstairs raking my brains through a barrage of medical literature, I must say I really missed blogging. There wasn't a moment when I didn't think of my blogging buddies. As a consequence, I had an epiphany.
When you commit yourself to a certain goal, you tend to lose out on all that which brought you joy at one part of time. For instance, by the end of two months, I gave up on my writing, my painting, and the utter lack of exercise has turned me into an inflatable pool toy.
I ought to have balanced both the worlds of creativity and academia, to bring about a harmony of sorts.
Now that I have a good couple of months till my next exam, I have decided that I am going to balance both worlds.
There is no point in living one life while forsaking the other.
I suppose certain realizations are never too late.
Of the most paramount of things on my list apart from studying, include:

1. Hitting the gym
   
2. Learn how to drive
   
3. Continue writing.

I suppose life will keep hurling responsibilities at you, but its up to you to never lose sight of your own individual needs in the long run. Else there wont be much of a difference between you and a herd of cattle. There's no point in herding yourself from pillar to post and losing out on your interests in the long run.
In the future, I have no intention of forsaking the things I am most passionate about. For what is life, without having a few perks for yourself?
I'm sure I can balance both worlds in the long run.
I have so much to say and so much to write about, I do not even know where to begin with. All that pent up creativity will certainly yield enough material to blog about for the next few weeks.
All in all, I'm glad I got the opportunity to rethink the way I handle things.
Rest assured this blog shant run dry any more....
Bye for now, but in the words of the Terminator, "I'll Be Back"!!!

International Blogger's Community Award!

Now Rads, of the Rads-blog-a-Zine fame has awarded me the International bloggers community award, and to her I say, Merci Beau-coup Mademoiselle...
And as tradition, I am carrying forward the tradition of awarding it to my blogging buddies, who I personally feel deserve this award!!

By the way, Rads in her site has jotted down a list of rules, concerning this award, which I will display here...
They are,

• Link the person who tagged you
• Copy the image above, the rules and the questionnaire in this post
• Post this in one or all of your blogs
• Answer the four questions following these Rules
• Recruit at least seven (7) friends on your Blog Roll by sharing this with them
• Come back to BLoGGiSTa iNFo CoRNeR (PLEASE DO NOT CHANGE THIS LINK) at http://bloggistame.blogspot.com/ and leave the URL of your Post in order for you/your Blog to be added to the Master List
• Have Fun!

The questions with my answers:

• The person who tagged you: Rads
  
• His/her site's title and url: Rads Blog-a-Zine: http://rads-blogazine.blogspot.com
• Date when you were tagged: 7th July, 2009
• Persons you tagged: I tag the following...

Kaddu
Kadambari
Ramya
Choco
Shadowthrone
et
Mukund
Varun
Lazy Pineapple
Gayathri
Brocasarea
Thousif
Vani
Sandhya
Acp
Viyoma
Today's Writer
Quirks of Sanity
SSQuO.

PS: As an update on the on goings of my life, I have finally returned to India. As a medical graduate. Now I have to study for a couple of months for a rather important exam.The aim of the exam is to enable me to begin practice in India. Kind of like a licensing exam. Once I clear it, I'll be free (for a short while at least), but until then I might not be as regular in the blogosphere.
Besides the internet in my city has abysmal speed, and I'll have to install a broadband connection to do some decent surfing. The blogger page took ages to load!! I'll have to install one of those high speed broadband connections soon, but after my exams.
Newayz...that's the news from my side...wish me luck (I'll really need it) to clear my exam.
Till then, to all my blogging buddies, take care and God bless.
Au revoir for now...

An Ode To A City

I usually do not write much about myself, but nevertheless, the past few days have been quite a milestone in my life. For I have finally graduated. And hold the degree, Doctor of Medicine. I never thought the day would come. For it always seemed so distant. And as a consequence, I have forever remained in the illusion that time shall forever remain still, and I shall be a carefree student in one of the most beautiful cities in the world forever. But I suppose as we all know, time is one stealthy entity.

It manages to delude you till the end of days, and when you least expect it, the carefree days of your youth are curtailed in one sharp stroke. Like the swift blade of the guillotine, your time as a youth are struck off, and immediately one is thrust unprepared, into the realm of adulthood.
The emotions that ravage my mind like a wayward ship stuck in a tempest, have me at extreme ends of human emotion.

One one hand, there is the joy of graduation, the happiness and the jubilation, while on the other hand there lies the bitter sorrow and anguish of parting forever with ones close friends, who have been by my side for the past six years.
Perhaps a third person observer may not be able to comprehend what exactly I am going through, and frankly I cannot expect him/her to understand the pathos when one leaves the place he has been so well accustomed to.

I owe a great deal to this fair city. One can always be proud of their home city, but this city has been somewhat like a surrogate parent to me for the past six years. St.Petersburg is a marvellous city. Mere words cannot describe it. For, of all the places in the world, this is one of the few places, that has stayed back in time, retaining its beautiful palaces, museums, gardens and streets. It doesn't have the snooty air of the common metropolitan cities across the world which are towering with concrete skyscrapers and awfully polluted streets.

Even now the city retains its historic charm from the times of the Tsar, like a time capsule which has not succumbed to the sort of riff-raff the modern cities today possess.
I have been very fortunate indeed to live and study in this city.
From the pristine and pure white snowy cover of winter to the bright, white nights of summer (when sun doesn't completely set) the city retains its magnificent glory, throughout the year.
The photos posted here have been taken by yours truly, and his friends, while touring the city and during our nocturnal boat ride on the day of our graduation.

The city is best explored when one walks down its streets. Its not the sort of place that can be relished when one is in a noisy motor vehicle. One has to walk down its streets to get an actual idea of the city. Passing by numerous portrait makers, souvenir stalls, etc.

Moreover, like Venice, this city too is interconnected by numerous canals, through which one can see the architectural magnificence of the place.

Words truly cannot do justice nor describe this place. One has to actually come by here and walk about the place. Besides every street is so spectacular, your camera wont have a moments relief.
Walking the city for the past six years has made more familiar with this it. I know the roads, byways and alleys of this city by now, far better than my home city back in India.
This is one place I sincerely recommend everyone to visit at least once in their life time. And moreover at least spend a week here to absorb the beauty and feel the romance of a city preserved in time, through the ages.

It has been six years since I came here, as a scared, shy 18 year old, and now when it is finally time for me to leave this city for good, my home for the past few years, I am indeed at a loss for words. The city, my close friends shall all soon be left behind, and my stay here will be nothing more than a memory. Though many may philosophically put it, "It happens, life's like that", I do not think that those so called philosophers can possibly comprehend what I am going through right now.
And I do not expect them to understand either.

Dasvidanya, fair city. For perhaps our paths shall cross once again. But till then I bid thee a fond farewell.
For you shall be in my heart forever.