Friday, November 25, 2016

Sita gets kidnapped

Scene: The beautiful albeit wild and poisonous woods of Panchvati
Sita is stringing a garland of jasmines and humming with the bees
Ram is stringing his bow
Lakshmans doing his fifth bicep rep
When suddenly a "golden deer" appears

Sita: Oh Ram, lookie that, a golden deer
Ram: sweetie u know I love u, but u need to stay away from the mushrooms
Sita: No Ram I swear there it is lookie look
Ram: hmmmmm I think it's more of a shade of rust, golden is a bit too much
Sita: I want it now
Ram: erm why? I gave u a bunny last week (which I haven't seen since)
Sita: I wanna skin it alive silly, golden hide is now haute couture l, u savvy?
Ram: Damn gurl u metal
Sita: get me the deer now!!!! Pretty please
Ram: mumbling "that's why I asked u to stay back in the palace"
Sita: what's that!???
Ram: nothing sweetie, one dead golden deer coming right up (not like they're endangered in any way lollz)
Ram to lakshman: bro, something's off I'm getting Sita a golden deer keep an eye on her kay?
Lakshman: dude? Me with her? I mean okie but like u sure she ain't tripping on acid?
Ram: nope I saw it too, but it's rust, u know chicks and colors, pink is mauve and blue is cerulean. Mebbe it has a disease 🤔
Lakshman: either way man, Kay be back soon Kay
Ram: totes
Lakshman: hey Sita how's it going
Sita: jus chilling, I'm getting me a golden coat (and the snooty palace bitches said the forest is lame, wait till I mantragram them)
Lakshman: u know ur taking to urself right?
Sita: whazzat??

Suddenly a voice from deep forest 🌳 "help me lakshman help me Sita, I'm hurting like owsies"

Sita: to lakshman...." u heard that???"
Lakshman: sorrie I've had a bit of bloat this morning
Sita: not that 😡 Rams calling for help
Lakshman: erm I'm pretty sure he ain't, and that did not sound like him, jus chill
Sita: OMFG u abandoned ur bro, like seriously he's out there and ur all chill, wtf??
Lakshman: gurl chill okie, that ain't him, sounded more like a drag queen with a wardrobe malfunction, he'd never use the word "owsies"
Sita: Boohooo I'm jus a frail lady with a douche of a bro in law who won't honor the bro code
Lakshman: fuuuuck listen, fine, I'll go. Jus stay in the circle Kay
Sita: what circle?
Lakshman: the one I'm gonna make
Sita: boohoo my Lou is in peril and my bro in law has a geometry fetish
Laskhman: I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that
Listen up stay in this here magic circle kay, don't come out like ever till we're back
Sita: Kay, whatever

Raavan appears
Thinking to himself "worst disguise ever, the mustache won't even stay on"

To Sita: hey gurl how about helping out an old hermit with a bad hair day
Sita: erm Kay what do u want
Raavan: I need some grub, all this chanting has me beat
Sita: oh poor u, u even look hungry and ur mustache is about to fall off, imma gonna throw some leftover rabbit Kay?
Raavan: throw?? I ain't a lapdog
Sita: I can't leave the circle
Raavan: aren't u a bit old to play in circles and triangles?? Now gimme the grub I need be on my way
Sita: erm......Kay though I was warned but Kay, ain't nothing a chick can't handle, yay for feminism
Raavan: haha gotcha!!!!
Sita: wtf???
Raavan: I'm raavan the king lanka and  gonna take u away from ur precious louu and place U in a forest much like this forest (but private, my interior designer is a hoot)
Sita: omg!!! I should have been happy with the rabbits foot, I'll jus throw my jewelry about so hubby knows where I am, not like they're worth anything lollz

Ram and lakshman return
Lakshman: well she's gone and all there's remaining is a faux mustache. I told u chicks be dumb
Ram: #facepalm apart from the cross dressing deer l, this day sucked 😑😑😑😑