Saturday, August 3, 2013

Of Depths and Distances


There are somethings in life, that defy comprehension. No matter how much you try to make sense of it all, the basic explanations to all your queries remain unanswered. Answers remain elusive and questions haunt you for ages.
I have learnt the hard way, that try as I might, I might never seek the answers to any of my queries. Its the bitter pill that circumstance forces us to swallow.
I write this, out of an overwhelming urge to make sense of it all. Perhaps the key could even lie in the melancholic musings of myself.
A lot of us have to endure some sort of angst throughout our lives. Some are devoid of love, some yearn for the for support, others vie for wealth. And each is thwarted in their attempts to secure what they need most by an adversary. 
In my case the adversaries have been distances. 
The deeper the depths of the relations I forge, the longer the distances that I have had to endure.

It seems, that every time I forge a deep connection with someone, I am made to part ways with them.
Since as long as I can remember have always abhorred being alone, or being separated form those I love.
And yet time and again, circumstance makes it so, that the deeper the depths of my relations, the more longer the distances grow.
They say distances make hearts grow fonder.
I believe that it has only made mine more weary.
Weary of having to be constantly separated from those you love.
Weary of having to make critical choices that make me move miles from those I consider nearest.
Most of my friends have never understood how I could miss my mom and dad at this day and age. And the very notion that I miss my dog seems ludicrous to them.
But thats how I'm built.
And besides, my family is a well oiled unit where we can speak our minds, with an absolute freedom of expression, and mutual support. Unlike most families of today that are forged out of indifference and apathy. In which case I can understand why the children bolt away from home the first chance they get.
And speaking of friends, I had an excellent friend back in medical school.
Someone with whom I could act the goat and not have a care.
An excellent friend who stood by me the six years of medical school. Someone whom I could call anytime of the day, no matter how trivial the reason.
A friend who I shall probably never see again. Since we now live in two different countries separated by a chasm of time and circumstance.
I'm honestly tired of forging relations only to be wrenched off them in the long run.
I'm weary of being constantly separated from those I love and have them exist only in my memory.
People who have had the opportunity of growing up with their loved ones and having a best friend for as long as they can remember have no idea how blessed they are.
Then again I suppose we each have our blessings and our curses.
Mine being having to part ways with those I love and cherish most. 
A lot of things in life are not fair.
And while I am quite grateful for what I have at my disposal, it wouldn't hurt to have a loved one by my side. So that there is someone with whom I can share whatever I see and experience, for as long as I can remember.
I hope that one day I can throw caution to the wind,
and forge relations of great depth, that no distance can undo.