Wednesday, April 8, 2009

The Yes Man

Sometimes in life, it gets quite difficult to draw the line between being selfish, and trying to look out for yourself. And sometimes for a great number of us, it gets really difficult to say no to some people. Its frankly something that irks me the most. I sometimes envy people who have a "don't care a damn" attitude in life. People who do not care two pence so as to what the person opposite him/her thinks of them.
In short I find them to be more mentally independent and in tune to their own needs.
I, on the other hand am the absolute contrary. It matters a great deal to me so as to what other people think of me. And in the process always end up saying yes to even the unnecessary people. There's something within me, that cannot stand the thought of someone being disappointed with me or someone hating me. I know that its not humanely possible to please everybody. But what can I say? The human mind is like a horse. It can run away with you if not tamed properly.

I find myself agreeing to almost every ridiculous proposition dealt out by all and sundry.
Of course over the years I have learnt (although the hard way) to say no.
I didn't find it easy, but realised soon after, that if do not do so, sooner or later I'll be run over by the very mob that sought my affirmation to all their requests.
I realised that there is just no humane way that one can please everybody and still retain his/her sanity and independence.
I guess try as you might, over the years, you will have people who despise you, irrespective of how saintly you have been with them.
Besides saying yes countless times can soon deplete you of your individuality, and soon enough you feel that instead of living your life, you seem to be living someone else's.
Nevertheless there are those to whom you are obligated and cannot help but to say yes, like your parents, your spouse, your children or your best friend. But I suppose that as long as things do not go out of hand there's no harm in doing so.
As much as I believe in admonishing saying yes to all and sundry, I believe that by saying yes to those you love, gives rise to a nice warm feeling from within, and in turn just makes you want to do more for them.

I doubt that I have ever hesitated in saying yes to those I hold dear to me. Because when you exist as a human being, one of the purposes of your existence is to help and support those who are near and dear to you. Otherwise you might as well be a vegetable.
I doubt that there is such a thing as absolute individuality. By the end of the day you always end up living a part of someone else's dream. Possibly your loved one's.
There is nothing wrong in individual thought or independent living. But one should know where to draw the line there too. In the process of living and thinking for yourself, you might end up distancing yourself from those close to you, through your ego or your arrogance. And as a consequence you might not have anyone around to celebrate your success or support you in the time of your failures.
Irrespective of how individualistic you may want to be, there will always be a part of you that belongs to someone else. Someone close to you perhaps.
There's no harm in saying yes to such people.
But at the same time, being aware of those who just want your 'yes' for their own greedy goals.
Life is all about compromise.
Its always about knowing to please the right people in life.
And not letting individuality to turn into arrogance.

Such is Life!


Biju Mathews said...

You are a wonderful person. Trust me. This post is simply great!!

Stillness Speaks said...

Bingo!! My thoughts exactly. You didn't leave me with anything to say!! Wonderfully written :)

brocasarea said...

nice post man!!:)..

thanks for visiting my blog:)

brocasarea said...

by the way have u watched "yes man" movie??

todays writer said...

Agree with the fact that saying "yes" to people close to us is no harm. However, I do not think twice before saying "no" to those I dont care a penny about.
Well written.

Kadambari said...

I know it's so difficult to say a 'No' when we want everyone to like us. But yea, we need to draw a line somewhere. I'm hoping that I have managed to grow up over time and learnt to say 'No'!

Good writing!

Anonymous said...

Beautifully written !

//Life is all about compromise.
Its always about knowing to please the right people in life.
And not letting individuality to turn into arrogance.

Such is Life! // - how true !

Your last couple of posts seems to be more philosophical. Makes me to think more :)

sammythewizzy said...

I have been having the same problem - knowing when to say 'no'.. I guess most of the bloggers around have the same problem.. After all, you wouldn't start a blog seriously, if you didnt care about what others thought about you and your experiences, would you?

Anonymous said...

Some where even I am like you. I want everyone to like me. But, I don't have any problems when I say 'no', but it is after saying that I feel horrible! But, I let off things very easily.:)
Very beautifully written. Last three lines took the post to a greater level.

Vyazz said...

@Biju: Thnx a lot!!...You just inspire me to write more. Appreciate it!!!
@Stillness Speaks: Thnx for visiting, appreciate ur feedback!!
@Brocasarea: Thnx 4 visiting yeah I have seen the yes man. Wuz okay...could have been better.

Vyazz said...

@today's writer: Thnnx....appreciate ur thoughts!!..:)
@Kadambari: LIke I said...its difficult to get everyone to like you!!!....Thnx 4 commenting!!
@Vani: I guess sometimes I introspect more than often...thnx 4 the compliment!!!

Vyazz said...

@Sammy: Yeah I did write this coz I have been pondering about the idea of getting everyone to like of life's many dilemmas I guess.

@Ramya: Thnx a bunch!!!....I guess u alwayz live and learn... :)

Shadowthorne said...

How about saying yes, then turn a blind eye on that promise?

I always do that. :) And I made it a point later to tell them I don't even care whatever I said before.

Vyazz said...

@Shadowthrone: Hahaha...nice philosophy...mebbe I ought to give it a try someday!!

SSQuo said...

Some people are Yes people for whatever reason, circumstances, upbringing or just plain personality traits. As you said over time you realize when it really is time to say No. Saying no does mean you are selfish, you are just respecting yourself and believe me when you say No for the right things, people sit up and take notice.

Thanks for visiting my blog! Please do stop by again.

rads said...

Lovely post!!! I read this book once "Learn to Say No" (don't quite rem who's the author coz it was my friend's and i read it long time back when in college). I have always been a bundle of contradictions myself over this delicate matter. Your thoughts were jus like reading my own. Very well presented.

Sandhya Ramachandran said...

You haven't updated?! :(

Vyazz said...

@SSQo: Thnx 4 visiting....I guess its all upto individual perspective....

@Rads:Thnx 4 stopping I said...I guess it all boils down to pleasing the right people.

Vyazz said...

@Sandhya:....Sorrie....haven't had much of a brainstorm yet....more like a brain drizzle!!!....

Sandhya Ramachandran said...

'Spitty- as Ern Goon would say! :|