Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Letting Things Go
After ranting away about the people in an around me in my last blog post, I just had an epiphany.
These are the sort of things, that you only subtly realise one way or another. The thing is, I live in a bit of a crowded international students hostel with people from many countries, including my fellow Indians. Now, the thing about living together for long periods of time like peas in one humongous pod can have its affects upon you sooner or later. The whole familiarity breeds contempt bit.
As a consequence, over the years I managed to breed a good deal of hate, mistrust and jealousy towards my fellow compatriots.
Little misunderstandings, squabbles and arguments finally took their toll on my overall outlook towards those in and around me.
The thing is, with some of us humans, is that we just cannot let certain things go. We hold on to all that hurt us and affected us over the long years.
Truth be told, I am the sort of person who bears grudges for quite a long period of time. I remember(though I shouldn't) every insult, every humiliating incident, every embarrassing episode right from the days of high school.
And over the years all that keeps piling up like junk in the attic (useless things you accumulate but do not know so as to why you haven't gotten rid of them).
The thing is as far as old thoughts go, like any old useless thing in our day to day lives, they tend to rot and decay within our minds. Over the years they begin to affect our perspective towards life and all that we see and feel around us.
And that's not a good thing. For out of spite and suspicion you may actually rebuke someone who approached you with good intentions.
Today was basically an exhausting day for me. And when I went to the kitchen to cook, I found myself chatting away with my neighbour (whom I generally find very annoying).
And much to my own surprise, I actually had a good time chatting away to glory. Otherwise, for me it was usually " huh!!...its that self presumptuous pain in the neck again, why cant he go cook somewhere else"?
On other days I would give him the cold shoulder and curt replies. But today was different.
Subsequently I found myself speaking to more of my colleagues who I usually tend to ignore or avoid.
I realised then, that the reason I spoke so freely with them not withstanding grudges, was because I was utterly exhausted. Speaking to them was like a breath of fresh air in comparison to the damp environment of mistrust I had created all around me.
You see, bearing grudges is exhausting work. It tires you mentally and physically irrespective whether you realise it or not.
I was tired today, and I didn't have the energy to mentally rebuke them when they came to speak to me. But like I said, I enjoyed the conversation. I enjoyed it when I didn't have to consistently and subconsciously hate the person that approached me.
Its not worth it believe me.
The people around you may be different, they may not share the same views as you do. They may irk you out of your wits end most of the time. But in time its best to let things so.
Nothing much is gained out of spite and prejudice. Nothing at all.
You lose your peace, your solace, your trust in humanity.
One cannot hold on forever all the petty things that occurred in ones life. The uninvited parties, the bad gossip, betrayal by someone you trusted etcetera.
Holding on to things is hard work. And nothing can be more gratifying than to get rid off all the angst you have borne deep within.
Its like someone walking through a beautiful field, carrying piles of useless junk which one never needs. You miss out on all the wonderful things around you, while you stay obsessed with your grudges.
There are far more wondrous things out there, once we cast away the veil of hate that blinds us so.
Thus, the best way to life life to the fullest, would be to let things go.